A Bird Without Wings
by Katsura
Summary: When one promises to protect someone, it’s generally not a good idea to fall in love with them, just in case. Set in an AU-timeline where Miyako died long before Rukia joined the Soul Reapers. KaienxRukia, a tiny bit of ByakuyaxRukia if you squint.


Notes: Un-beta'd, concrit is welcome. This started out as a 1700+ word part and ended up at 2400+... Written (mostly) for bleach15 on LJ.

Bleach and all its characters belong to Kubo Tite.

**A Bird Without Wings**

**(Prompt: to protect)**

**Part 1**

She came to the companies knowing very little about them. All she knew was that they stood for the order of the entire Soul Society (though she had very rarely seen them in her district), and they were her only chance at a better life. Once she was in, it was a completely different world from the one she had imagined. She had seen, in her mind's-eye, a spotless grounds beyond the walls that kept the elite separated from the other districts, shining and full of light. What she got, was a world full of conniving and backstabbing, all under the guise of learning and salvation.

At least, that was how it seemed. She and Renji were not the only ones of their class who had come from outside the city's walls, but they had certainly come the farthest. No one else had quite the rough-and-tumble background they did. The majority of their classmates were the sons and daughters of nobles and those privileged enough to have never been outside the walls, people who had never known true hardship. They were ignored at the best of times, and treated like the foulest trash at the worst. Even still, they endured the teasing and the occasional rough-housing, since nothing could compare to fighting for you life on the streets of Inuzuri, and in time, they were left alone.

Everything changed six months into their first year. Renji was excelling ahead of her in all of their classes, even kidou, and she was starting to feel that their friendship was getting onto dangerously rocky ground. For many months, she had been hoping that they might become something more than friends. Then the head of the prestigious Kuchiki family came to her and offered her a secure future within the family. She would be moved to their home, and her training would end immediately, and she would be passed directly into the Thirteen Companies. She hesitated over the offer, unable to meet the eyes of any of the family members before her. She stood before the young man who headed the group, staring at his feet, hedging on a reply. It was a chance of a lifetime offer; she'd always have a roof over her head and food in her stomach, and she wouldn't have to worry about anything ever again. But she also wanted to stay, go through it all properly, perhaps expand on her relationship with Renji...

The fool had burst into the room, interrupting the meeting. She was given the unexpected but very welcome chance to reply later. The head of the family strode out, never looking at her, and the others trailed after him. Once they were alone, she filled him in on the proposal, still unable to meet his eyes. If he said that he thought she was a fool to take the offer, she would have declined, preferring instead to remain with him.

She never had the chance to voice her desire to stay with him. He loudly declared her the luckiest kid to ever live, and went on and on at top volume at how jealous he was that she was getting a family and didn't have to finish the exams and other training. Her heart sank with every word. He was glad to be rid of her? Then she would be glad to be rid of him. She brushed him aside with a curt thanks, and it was all she could do to not run from the room before he could see how much his usual brashness upset her this time.

Her new family was not all she had dreamt it would be, either. Her newly-adoptive older brother, Byakuya-sama, seemed to detest the sight of her. He would hardly look at her, rarely spoke to her, and once the initial ceremonies and such were done, she was turned over to a tutor. She strived hard to do everything she was asked, being excruciatingly polite, well-mannered though she often forget conventions, and keeping the more fiery side of her personality in check. It was hard, when large portions of the family loudly voiced their opinions on her background and upbringing. Still, she tried hard, for now that she was in the family, she wanted to stay. Her efforts seemed to go unnoticed.

She was told that she had been adopted into the family because of her extremely striking resemblance to Byakuya-sama's wife, who'd died the previous winter. She saw a picture of the late lady only a few times, and was startled at how similar she seemed. Secretly, she wished she had been able to meet Hisana-sama, wondering at the kind of woman who would marry a man so indifferent to those around him.

Byakuya-sama was vice-captain of the Sixth Division at the time. She knew he was pulling strings to get her into the Companies – that was part of the adoption arrangement, after all – so at first she had assumed that she would be put into his division. Such was not her fate. She was placed within the Thirteenth.

She went to her first day of her new life with a heavy heart. For one, brief, shining moment, she had thought that she would finally have the family she had always dreamed of, the kind of family that she thought she had had with Renji before he'd callously pushed her away. She realized much, much later that their estrangement was as much her fault as it was his, but at the time, it was a fresh wound, and combined with the feeling of not belonging in the family, it helped a little to have a focus for her misery.

And then she had stood in that room after another sneering member of the Division had left her there with the instruction that the vice-captain would be along shortly. She had more than over-heard their conversation in the next room as she waited, chiding her for being a member of the Kuchiki family, who had obviously used their wealth and influence to place her before she had finished her classes. How they assumed that she didn't know how hard it was to go through the academy and the exams. Well, they knew nothing about _her_ either. Her eyes had stung with unshed tears that she was determined not to shed until she was alone in her room at home. She would never give them the satisfaction of showing them her hurt and her shame. She hadn't fought for her life all those years in Inuzuri for nothing. She would do her new family name proud if it killed her.

And then Shiba Kaien had come into her life like a great, shining, beacon of salvation.

She heard him first, loudly telling the judgemental men on the other side to get their behinds back to work, or so help them, they'd regret their lollygagging. The door had slammed open before they'd finished their hurried apologies, and he stood there with an angry look on his face, black hair dishevelled and green eyes flashing. He introduced himself in such a boisterous manner that she'd had no idea how to respond. He was unlike anyone else she had met so far. Her response was not what he wanted, so he chided her and teased her and ruffled her hair, and treated her exactly as he had the men before. Perhaps with a somewhat more gentle tone to his voice. Once he had want he wanted out of her (which was her name, of all things), he gave her a big grin and declared her "okay". He was the most friendly person within the entire Soul Society to her since she had joined the Academy.

She recognized quickly that he treated everyone in this manner. She followed him around for a few days, learning names and where everything was, and was pleased to note that he was equal parts friendly and brusque with everyone, just as he had been with her. It heartened her, to think that she might have finally found a place to truly belong. It was especially relieving that he merely frowned over her lack of sword skills – something she was not anywhere close to mastering in any sense of the word – and promised to find a tutor.

Their division was a curious one, by her knowledge of the way they worked. Every company had a captain, a vice-captain, and then a selection of seated officers. She understood the pecking order to be that if the captain was unable to perform his or her duties, then the vice-captain would pick them, and so-on down the line. Should all of the seated officers be incapacitated, she really had no idea what would happen after that, as that kind of tragedy would have surely meant the end of the world as they all knew it. She assumed as well that the seated officers also would be the first choices to lead any of the missions they were frequently assigned.

But her company was a little different. Captain Ukitake was often ill, with a lung infection that he had apparently had for centuries, so obviously Kaien-dono filled in for him. There was a fourth and fifth seat, and so on, but no third. No one seemed willing to talk about it, but one night she managed to coerce the information out of some of the other members that she was starting to get to know when they were drinking. The missing third seat, Kiyone had waxed poetic about, was the most beautiful woman to walk the earth, and surely the kindest woman in all of the Soul Society. She had cried into her sleeve while her partner-in-crime, Sentaro, had revealed that the woman's name was Miyako, and she had been Kaien-dono's wife. Never before had he seen a better matched pair!, he wailed, tears filling his eyes. She had been tragically killed in action three years previously by a Hollow that had murdered her entire squad, leaving only one alive long enough to return to report their tragic end before he, too, had perished. Rukia sipped at the drink held between her hands thoughtfully, ignoring their increasingly competitive descriptions of a woman she had never met.

She never brought it up with Kaien-dono, though she thought she now understood the shadow that passed across his face and eyes from time to time. By this time, he had taken upon it himself to personally over see her continued training, spending hours every week with her and her alone, helping her to improve and hone her skills, skills that she had never had a chance to develop beyond her first six months in the Academy. She knew that she was incredibly lucky to receive so much of his time, though she had trouble expressing it. She often felt flustered around him, aware at all times of the expectations on her by both the company and her brother. He would only tease her, merciless though never cruel, and she came to realize that his company was what she wished she could have from her brother, or have back from Renji. She was grateful that he gave her so much of himself, that she sometimes wondered how she could give some of herself back.

She had tried for a seat at her brother's insistence - or rather, his unspoken insistence; he only had to ask her, in that same detached way that he always spoke to her, if she was going to attempt it, and she knew that she had better at least try, while knowing in her heart that she would fail.

Her attempt at the seat vacancies had been an unmitigated disaster, and though Kaien-dono's disappointment had flashed through his eyes, he gave her a big smile and got her into a headlock, ruffling her hair. "It's OK, Kuchiki!" he had declared, loudly. His knuckles scraped across her scalp. "There's always next time!"

Her brother's reaction had been easier to bear, in a way. He didn't even turn to look at her as she opened the door to give him the news. He had dismissed her with three curt words, and she had closed the door again, fighting the pain in her heart. He was always so distant to her, while Kaien-dono was so warm. Why, she thought to herself in frustration, couldn't she have been adopted by the Shibas?

She flopped down onto her futon and pressed her face deep into the pillow. Other thoughts surfaced to her mind, circling around in a dangerous whirlpool. She thought of Kaien-dono as her salvation in this entirely unexpected world of power and influence. What she wouldn't give to be near him all the time. He was like warm sunshine after a chilly day. Only he made her feel accepted and welcomed, despite her background. Only because of him had the rest of the company been made to see that she was a hard worker, capable (her failure to pass the test notwithstanding), and worthy of their respect as a member of the team. She owed him _everything_, everything she currently cherished. Her life as a member of the Kuchiki family would have been utterly unbearable had she not had going to the Company barracks to look forward to, when she would see Kaien-dono's face and his easy smile, listen to him alternately guide her with firm directions and praise her with enthusiasm and kindness.

She'd once expressed the opinion that she thought he was being kind to her only because of her new family. His face appeared in front of hers so suddenly that she recoiled back, startled, He wore the most indignant frown she'd yet seen. He'd spoken quietly, but with a firmness she didn't dare to disbelieve. "Never, ever doubt your own abilities, Kuchiki," he'd said, his voice low and firm, and backed by the look in his eyes. She'd been intimidated, and utterly captivated by his eyes. "If you think that you suck, with me as your teacher, what are people gonna say about me?" He'd sat back with a laugh then, full and hearty, shoving food into his mouth as if might disappear before he could eat it. She'd smiled despite herself, and laughed with him. That was just like him, and she vowed to never doubt herself again.

She rolled onto her back, pulling the pillow to her chest and hugging it to her tightly. She would give anything to be a permanent part of his world.


End file.
